Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
