Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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