You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Two words: blizzard sex
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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