My hair reeks of homosexuality.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I just had sex on a roof
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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