Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
