hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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