Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
