haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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