the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
