The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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