Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
