you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize