what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
