Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
