yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
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