he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Woke up backwards on a recliner
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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