dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize