I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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