I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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