I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
