The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
