Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
