oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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