accomplished twins. life is a go
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
