Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
