I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
