I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
