Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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