ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
