I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
