hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
