My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
