Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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