I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize