If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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