if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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