Having a random hookup so left but love u
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
When are your genitals available?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
