Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
