never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
you never un-have a 4some
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
