I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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