Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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