i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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