I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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