I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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