Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
handjob tips. give me some.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Randomize
