So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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