hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize