I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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