Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
