Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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