Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Vodka?
Forever.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
