You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
