I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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