$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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