Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
