this beer tastes like vomit already
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
