I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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