You made me cry and you don't even care
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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