come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
