guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
