Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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