he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
