Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
