Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
