i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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