He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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