id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
