All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize