He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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