its not stalking. its research.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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