Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
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