I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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