I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
My feet surprised me
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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