I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
