Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
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