I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
