I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
