I seem to have left my pride at pride
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
