I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
