That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
