are you so shy because you have an std?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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