One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
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