hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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