my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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