I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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