I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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