This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
