I didn't shave. On purpose
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
