His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize