But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I can't put those talents on a resume
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
