that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
