They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
