I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
