I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
