i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
