You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
